19th March 2007

I think...I actually have become more Optimistic, Positive, Encouraging since I got diagnosed with T1DM.

I remembered well on the day Dr Yong told my mom and I that I had diabetes. Not the usual one.

"Oh diabetes! Alright I just have to cut down eating sweets, chocolate etc. Since I do not favour sweet food much, I guess it won't be a problem and soon I will recover, as soon as I get discharged from hospital."  

I remembered I said these to myself. And I regretted very soon.

While I was in hospital, staff nurses were those who helped me to inject insulin. Finally on the last day in hospital, one nurse brought a syringe and came to my bed side. I had no idea what insulin was at that time. I just thought it was some kind of medicine for me to get recovered. Thinking to myself: After this I can go back home and go back to school tomorrow. Never bother about injections.

The nurse drew out insulin into the syringe and asked me to show up my abdomen. I was thinking: Why can't she just injects on my arms. I am totally okay with injections. But...on abdomen? Alright, just do whatever I was being told.

The next thing was, she asked me to pinch a fold of skin up and asked me to hold that syringe with cap removed. And then injected. I did not cry or yell or even refuse to complete her request.

Hmmm...Perhaps I was just too happy-go-lucky on a really "lucky" situation.

I got back home after 5 days of admission in hospital. I was given syringes and insulin.
On the first day at home, I had to inject myself using syringes before every meals. I began to feel the trouble and began to realize that this is going to be a routine. A long life routine.

Then, only I started to cry in my room alone. Because I had finally realized that I am different from others of same age now. No one is like me. I had to do all these finger pricking, drawing insulin, poking skin EVERYDAY. Infact is EVERY MEALS. Only me has to do this. Only me.

I stopped crying when I was already tired. I did not tell my mom how sad I was. How unwilling I was. I was thinking: WHY ME? Why not her, him or them?

Things were hard. Diet control was hard. Insulin triggered my appetite, I kept getting hyperglycemia >16mmol/L. I ate a lots of rice at home. Did not bother much, all I want to do was just to get satisfaction from eating.

Now 6 years I have been living with T1DM. Honestly many people asked if I feel pain during injections. I do feel pain but I tolerated this feeling. Most of the time, I do not feel pain at all with 5mm needle insulin pen. Or people always say: Oh, it has been a while, I think you can't feel pain is because you are already getting used to it.

Helloooo, I do feel pain on some injections okay. Is just that pain or not pain, I still have to inject insulin in order to survive okay! *eye rolls

But they were right. I am getting used to it now. It's like a daily task, like sleeping, breathing, walking, seeing, hearing and etc. It has became a norm for me. Though, this task is still considered as an extra work for others who look at me differently.

Ya it is an EXTRA. I called this as an EXTRA-ordinary disease :)

Embarrassed moment

Today, as usual went to PPUKM hospital for dietetics posting.

Morning time I had hyperglycemia of 10.1mmol/L. So I have eaten less breakfast, so that my sugar can have enough of insulin to go down the graph into the normal range.

Well, things did not turn up like what I wished. I went hypo while counselling a patient.

That counselling session was an easy case:

"A 23 years old female, Indian, vegetarian coming in as an overweight person and diagnosed with PCOS, referred to dietitian for weight reducing diet. "

Just weight reduction for goodness sake. And patient is a vegetarian. And patient eats Roti Canai (2 pieces) frequently (which contributes to the high calorie diet that leads to her overweight). WHY hypoglycemia always makes me look stupid?! ARGHHH

Roopini told me that I was repeating and repeatingggg what patient has told me. Patient must be scratching her head looking at me. AHHH whenever I recalled the situation, I feel like slapping myself hard!

I even slept in the counselling room later on when it wasn't my turn to counsel. I do really feel like digging a hole to hide my face into the deep deep soil, after I gained back consciousness. Luckily there is no discrimination in class. My supervisor understands my issue, so she just asked me to be more careful and alert next time, in a very friendly way, fortunately :')

I hope my patient will not remember me *Opps

Headache

Less and less time for blogging. I am all so exhausted and frustrated with clinical posting in hospital.

It happened three days ago. I did not go for a heavy dinner. I just consumed Milo and Nestum oats for my dinner. There is no one to accompany me to go downstairs and eat. And also guess I was just too lazy to walk so far after a whole day in hospital.

At 10.30pm, I felt low, vision blurred. So took Milo and honey water to get myself back to normal sugar. After 30 minutes, checked again. 3.4mmol/L. Still feeling blur and uncomfort.

Okay fine. Drink Milo again. Eventually, headache starts hitting me. 

Never felt like this before. Headache so serious that I couldn't focus on all the things. 

So painful that I tried hitting the wall with my head.

At the end, I gave up. Took 2 tablets of Panadol (pain killer).

You may ask, why didn't I take pain killer in the beginning of headache?

I know why headache happened on me. Probably is due to the sudden rush of glucose to my brain cells.

I know Hypoglycemia has caused this to happen. Not some other reasons like fever. That's why I was afraid to take pain killer.

I wonder how many brain cells died on that night...That pain was really killing!