Getting used is a Yes and No

I was so busy calculating my carbs for dinner just now and so concentrating on recording everything on iPhone app that I forgot to inject my pre-dinner bolus insulin! 

Until just now only I realised: Why is it that my insulin pen is still in my work bag? I did not inject is it? 

Omg. Am I getting old? Because I really can't remember whether I injected or not! The BG value just now is revealing that I am getting old or worse is I am already getting used to injections that I don't remember when is the last time I injected, and where I injected. 

OMG. Sleep is the last thing to do tonight. 

If disaster arrives

Every time when I watch those adventure/tragedy/horror movies, I will imagine myself in that scene running away, to save my life from the disaster with a bag of insulins, insulin pens, glucometer, whole lots of test strips and pen needles. 

Like the movie "2012" and "The Impossible". When the enormous big splash of water is coming towards my face, all I can do is run. And if the water gets on me, all my test strips gonna be wet by then! That's gonna be very challenging, because eventhough I survived through the disaster (which is very lucky), I guess I will not survive through T1D by then.

Or in the movie "World War Z", zombies are cominggg! But, yeah! Zombies won't attack a vulnerable non-healthy body like mine, so I am safe! And probably I can help in getting the vaccines from the lab, without getting chase after by the disgusting zombies. After watching this movie, I am not afraid of zombies anymore haha!

What will you do when you know that a disaster is about to come? 

Call your parent? Pack your money? Hug your partner?

I guess I will pack my medical supplies first, before I do all the above. 

Confused between Hyper & Hypo

I was in Bangkok for the past four days. Enjoying the very well-equipped 7-11 that they have for almost every 100 meters. Enjoying walking for 10,000 steps every day during that 4 days, as I was travelling on feet, by MRT and BTS only.

On the third night in Bangkok, I and my boyfriend went to the Suan Lum Night Market for dinner and night market shopping. That night we both were having really sore legs because had been walking for the whole day to Siam Paragon and to Pratunam Market. I was worn out, but considered that it was the last night over there, so didn't want to waste the chance and time to experience the atmosphere of the night market in Bangkok!

Diabetes is 24/7. Even when I am on vacation, I still have to work for diabetes. 

Diabetes = Nasty boss

I injected insulin at a corner and begun my food hunting journey at the night market. Didn't eat much, mainly on fruit juices, fruit cuts, Thai-style garlic bread (very oily) and some BBQ chicken. At 10pm, we were about to take MRT back to our hotel. I was feeling so exhausted and leg sore all over. In my mind, I was thinking it must be due to the whole day walking or too much of good food during this travel. I was feeling with much confidence and assurance that "My sugar must be high now, at least >15mmol/L". The kind of bone-tired, worn out, ready to drop feeling were so similar to hyperglycemia. 

I couldn't find any water to wash my hand at that time. Anyhow, Yes or No, better give the sugar a check with uncleaned hands before I leave the night market. So, I poked my little finger to check the sugar, assuming that my little finger will have the least likelihood to have a false reading.

The glucometer read 3.4 mmol/L. 

I was shocked. Suddenly all the tired feelings made sense, although I was having lots of good food and fruits, but I was active! Hmmm wait, or is it because of my uncleaned little finger? From my experience, only plain water can dilute your blood from pricked finger and hence giving you a false reading/a low reading. But my little finger is dry (I wiped it hard on my cloth before I tested),  If my uncleaned little finger had some stains from food or juices, the reading will probably be high, definitely not low. 

Alright, at the end I turned around, walked back to the night market and got myself a half cup of juice and the very oily toasted bread with sugar on it. 

When I got back to the hotel, checked my sugar again, it was 5.0 mmol/L, even after eating toasted bread with sugar. Confirmed that I was confused between Hyper and Hypo just now and thank god that I ate some more food before I left the night market, or else I might be pondering in my "Hypo Wonderland" while on the way back in MRT, believing that I must be real exhausted that day.

Oh ya, I have lost all my photos in my phone because I ignorantly let someone had the chance to steal it. I don't want to repeat the whole sad story again.

Pineapple bowl!

Let me open the cover of bowl

Tasty Thai Pineapple Fried Rice!

Although the pineapple bowl looked big, but actually half of the pineapple is still pineapple, they only put in about 1 medium bowl of fried rice, accompanied with chicken floss, shrimps and sliced Chinese sausages. My fibre of the meal came from pineapple only :p The fried rice stayed warm until the last bite because of this amazing bowl! :)

Hypoglycemia related headache

The reason for this headache is a sudden rush of sugar into the body system after I eat. I don't always get this kind of terrible headache when I eat something in order to restore my sugar level from hypoglycemia. 

I am kinda phobia towards the headache which attacked me a couple of times already. The headache was so horrible that I can't sleep nor do anything. Panadol did a little help. But the headache really made me feel like banging my head to the wall (which I actually already did in the last attack).

During the headache period, the sugar level was completely in range. Just the headache was really killing me. Sometimes I just don't understand how my body behaves. 

I have to keep emergency pain killer with me. Just in case this sudden attack of headache. I know it's weird that I failed to figure out why this happened, after all it is my body. Why is it that I am not aware of my body! Sometimes a more severe hypoglycemia will not give rise to this at all, but sometimes out of the blue moon, it will occur. 

Tonight. Now. I think it is coming back. Not sure if I was encountering hypoglycemia just now before dinner. Current sugar level is normal, two hours after food. 

The pain is arising bit by bit, very similar to those of previous times. To prevent the severe attack later, I'd better pop in two Panadol first.

I search online for this hypoglycemic headache related articles, some say it is because of the sudden rush of sugar into the body system, the sugar hit the brain cells so much that it causes them to expand and hence triggering the headache. It is definitely not a migraine because it strikes the whole head, not one part only. 

Hmmm...or this headache is not related to T1DM at all? Or it is just the stress that I am having? But I can cope with stress, I don't get headaches because of stress. Also, this pain always comes after food.

Not sure if I am right for relating all nuisances to T1DM every so often.

Cost of Diabetes

Cost of diabetes, especially for T1DM, as follows:

1. Test strips

I can't afford to test my sugar for 8 times in a day ever since I was diagnosed. My mom who works as a home-based tailor strives hard to pay for my test strips. She knows testing sugar is essential for me. I always wanted to save money by using less test strips (I know it's bad, but I feel bad for using so much of my mom's blood sweat money).

2. Lancets

Honestly, I don't change my lancet often. Probably once in a blue moon (Okay, I know the recommendation is a new lancet for every pricks. But, I am the only one who is using the lancet only mah). I always change it when I feel it is no longer sharp.

3. Pen needles

     If I buy them individually, they will cost around 50 or 60 cents per needle. So, my mom always buys them in bulk like 10 boxes (Each box has 100 needles, so 10 boxes can last me for about 500 days if I were to use 2 needles/day).

4. Alcohol swabs

I am no longer using alcohol swabs nowadays. Okay, you may ask me no sanitation before you inject or before you prick your finger? Hmm. It is seriously not convenient for an MDI patient to swab alcohol every meal (Well T1DM is all about the inconvenience, or I am just lazy). But no worries, I always make sure my hands and injection sites are clean before I poke.

5. Insulin

I am getting all my short acting and long acting insulin supplies from Government Clinic, in which they charge only RM1 for each visit. Real cheap, but I have to wait for the whole morning to see a doctor and to wait wait wait and wait due to the long queue. And they are never ever going to get rapid acting insulin for me because according to the pharmacy, rapid acting insulin is much more expensive and very few patients are using them, so they will not order (Though I cannot accept this explanation, but due to economic constraints, I cannot afford to go to a private hospital, I have to accept the reality).

6. Blood test (HbA1c)

I check my HbA1c every 3 months which you can find my results on the right side of my blog. Now that I am working in a hospital, the lab person is charging me the staff price only! Very cheap!

7. Hypoglycemic agents

These agents are actually candies. Regretfully, I cannot find any pharmacy or supermarket selling Glucose Tablets or Glucose Gel in Malaysia. So, I am depending on the various types of sugar like Mentos, Skittles, Hard candies or Juice boxes. I used to take chocolate, but they melt too quickly and easily get over consumption LOL.

_______________________________________________________________________

I do not own any insurance before I was diagnosed. Anyhow, I heard some insurance company will not cover our diabetes supplies for long periods also *sighed

I have thought of changing from insulin pen to insulin pump. Have been seeing other T1D bloggers using pumps since decades ago. And they are receiving so much benefit from pumps and CGM! I am so tempted to buy one by installment payment. But, those infusion sets will cost a bomb for me every month, and it's currently hard to get rapid acting insulin from government hospitals. 

Anyway, to buy or not to buy a pump, I still have to wait when my pen needles are finishing. I still have like 600 or 700 needles more in stock. Hmm, let me finish those needles first.

Don't worry, insulin pump doesn't look a thing like that :p
(Picture from diabeteshealth.com)

Online community support

I still can remember the time when I decided to message Scott's Diabetes's Facebook page was when I seriously thought that T1DM had ruined my life. I don't have family or friends that can understand how I feel (at that time, I do not know any of the T1Ds in Malaysia yet). That night, I was so damn emotional after my mom and my brother were sort of like blaming me for not taking care of myself, causing hypoglycemia to happen. I love my mom whole heartedly for she is the one who loves me more than herself, takes care of me, cried with me when I fell apart because of T1DM (Okay, crying is good as it helped us both feel relieved). 

But, that night. I was feeling so isolated that nobody truly understands how I feel, even my mom. With all new friends, new tasks, new environment in University, I strived, I tried hard to do well in diabetes management. Every day I wake up thinking about diabetes and I end my day on the bed thinking about diabetes. 

I attend a class, thinking about it.

I go on stage for presentation, thinking about it. 

I walk to the bus stop, thinking about it.

I go for swimming, thinking about it.

I approach the lecturer, thinking about it.

I do discussions with friends, thinking about it.

When I sit for an exam, I will think about it before I go into the exam hall, during the exam, after the exam.

And when I carelessly don't think about it, that is when the stupid-iest thing would happen.

I felt so heartwarming after talking to Scott, though it was only just a few sentences. Suddenly all of my stupid, strange, unusual actions make reasonable in the eyes of T1Ds. Thank you, Scott. Thanks to the awesome Online Community Support and all the wonderful T1D bloggers out there!

I will never ever like diabetes, for all that it has done for me. 

But, I choose and I learn to live with it until...... A CURE is found one day. 

Planning injection units

"How to plan the number of units to inject before you know what food will be served to you?"

Just came back from my grandmother's birthday at Bahau, Negeri Sembilan. All of us went to the chinese restaurant for dinner, then back to grandma's house for birthday cake cutting.

I thought tonight's dinner would be of carbs heavy one. But, ended up to have only one carb-food, Long Life Noodles (寿面), for the whole course of 7 dishes. I was like: Alamak, what to do now. I have already injected 10units of Actrapid for this dinner. The whole night I was searching for other types of food in the restaurant. Everyone must be thinking: Omg why today this Bing so hungry? Sedangkan I was actually hunting more carbs for my injected insulin.

Anyhow, at 1.00am (when it's time to inject my night time insulin Insulatard), this is what happened:

Lesson learnt is don't get too exhilarated by a party and please consider whether to inject extra or not for the party next time.

Poor me. Just got this GlucoTabs (Tangy Orange) from my little cousin all the way from UK today, and I already started binging on it.

19th March 2007

I think...I actually have become more Optimistic, Positive, Encouraging since I got diagnosed with T1DM.

I remembered well on the day Dr Yong told my mom and I that I had diabetes. Not the usual one.

"Oh diabetes! Alright I just have to cut down eating sweets, chocolate etc. Since I do not favour sweet food much, I guess it won't be a problem and soon I will recover, as soon as I get discharged from hospital."  

I remembered I said these to myself. And I regretted very soon.

While I was in hospital, staff nurses were those who helped me to inject insulin. Finally on the last day in hospital, one nurse brought a syringe and came to my bed side. I had no idea what insulin was at that time. I just thought it was some kind of medicine for me to get recovered. Thinking to myself: After this I can go back home and go back to school tomorrow. Never bother about injections.

The nurse drew out insulin into the syringe and asked me to show up my abdomen. I was thinking: Why can't she just injects on my arms. I am totally okay with injections. But...on abdomen? Alright, just do whatever I was being told.

The next thing was, she asked me to pinch a fold of skin up and asked me to hold that syringe with cap removed. And then injected. I did not cry or yell or even refuse to complete her request.

Hmmm...Perhaps I was just too happy-go-lucky on a really "lucky" situation.

I got back home after 5 days of admission in hospital. I was given syringes and insulin.
On the first day at home, I had to inject myself using syringes before every meals. I began to feel the trouble and began to realize that this is going to be a routine. A long life routine.

Then, only I started to cry in my room alone. Because I had finally realized that I am different from others of same age now. No one is like me. I had to do all these finger pricking, drawing insulin, poking skin EVERYDAY. Infact is EVERY MEALS. Only me has to do this. Only me.

I stopped crying when I was already tired. I did not tell my mom how sad I was. How unwilling I was. I was thinking: WHY ME? Why not her, him or them?

Things were hard. Diet control was hard. Insulin triggered my appetite, I kept getting hyperglycemia >16mmol/L. I ate a lots of rice at home. Did not bother much, all I want to do was just to get satisfaction from eating.

Now 6 years I have been living with T1DM. Honestly many people asked if I feel pain during injections. I do feel pain but I tolerated this feeling. Most of the time, I do not feel pain at all with 5mm needle insulin pen. Or people always say: Oh, it has been a while, I think you can't feel pain is because you are already getting used to it.

Helloooo, I do feel pain on some injections okay. Is just that pain or not pain, I still have to inject insulin in order to survive okay! *eye rolls

But they were right. I am getting used to it now. It's like a daily task, like sleeping, breathing, walking, seeing, hearing and etc. It has became a norm for me. Though, this task is still considered as an extra work for others who look at me differently.

Ya it is an EXTRA. I called this as an EXTRA-ordinary disease :)

When I can't feel it anymore

At 10.30pm, I was reading some posts in Facebook.

I was feeling kinda sleepy but I 不以为意 (never bother about it).

Then, my mom came to my room asking me some questions that I couldn't respond.

Why I couldn't respond? Is her question too tricky? too hard?

I realised something must be wrong. Took my glucometer and pricked my finger.

This is what I had.

This reading explains why I thought her question was too tricky. I was totally confused!

Yes yes yes...I studied about the sign and symptoms of hypoglycemia. All on my finger tips.

There are:

• Cold sweating
• Trembling
• Blurred vision
• Anxiety
• Loss of consciousness and etc etc

But, what happened just now was NO SWEAT, NO SHAKE, NO BLURRED VISION.

This is Hypoglycemia Unawareness! Hypoglycemia is a DANGER.

And guess how creepy it is when you are unaware of a danger.

Hypo is very creepyyyy!

I went downstairs to have a ace-light Yakult and 3 Tablespoon of honey drink. 

1/2 hour later, this is what I got.

Okay, so I went to have 3 Tbsp of honey drink again. 

And now at 12.00am, my sugar went up to almost reaching the sky of  8.2mmol!

Very interesting. you creepy.

Recycling strip boxes

One day I will use up 2 test strips. Within 2 weeks I will finish one box of 25 test strips.

So,       1 month     = 50 strips

            1 year        = 600 strips = 24 boxes

5 years of being diabetic, I should have stored about 120 boxes! Woohoo I like this number! :p

Unfortunately, I threw away most of them. And now suddenly I thought of storing them can be good.

Why good? Let me list down things that I can do with them.

1) Sweet tooth box- I can simpan (keep) all my milk tooth in these test strip boxes. Then at night, my tooth fairy will come hehe :p

2) Crafts and arts- I should have done some art work with these boxes. Honestly these boxes are of really good quality :)

3) Store coins?

4) Store cotton wool?

5) Store errrr secret paper notes?

Somemore what I can do with these boxes, instead of throwing them away. Hmmm...let me think...