Why I blog?

The reasons I blog:

1. I find it hard to express my feelings verbally.
2. It is even harder to express the inner feelings to my closed ones.
3. But, it is easier to put all feelings in words and share it to anyone or everyone whom could be a total stranger to you.
4. I can view back my progression, my phrases in life.
5. And that makes me gather when I was at those times and how much I have changed over the time and where I can possibly be in the future.
6. I write it down for people to read, so they can try to understand me before judging.
7. Though I do not have the chance to travel around the world (yet), I hope I can connect to people who share similarity with me. 
8. To learn things at anytime, anywhere, with anyone.
9. To have fun. hehehehe

Alright, kidding lol

Through their eyes

Even if you don't have a medical professional background,

Even if you don't enter university to study,

Even if you don't read any nutrition related magazines or books,

Even if you don't have a chronic disease...

Please put yourself in the person's shoes. See things through the person's eyes. 

Not simply giving information which is not evidence based and not true, while you're not a medical profession person, you don't read nutrition books, you don't read medical books and you do not have a chronic disease. 

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A couple of weeks ago, a girl whom I am not close to her at all, came out of nowhere to fb-message me about my so-called insulin-injecting-pathetic-diabetes-life (by the way, my life is actually fantastic with insulin keeping me alive). 

She approached me and asked me: Mind sharing with me about your situation? I can help you. 

I am doing perfectly fine. But, I am curious about what kind of help she would like to offer me.

Then she started saying: If you want to give yourself a chance, there is a way to cure your diabetes. We have lots of critically ill patients, all successful stories. 

When I tried explaining to her about there is no cure for diabetes at the moment. More, my T1D is different a bit, and having to inject every day doesn't mean I am a bad type of diabetic (if she has been studying about this). Why can't people understand, why can't they just try to understand before judging me ARGH. 

Then she came judging again: I am not selling you anything. That's why I am asking you whether you want to give yourself a chance or not? Hepatitis B also no cure, but we have many successful cases.

Hello miss, if I were to judge you, I will straight ask what you're trying to sell in the first place. And who told you that there is no cure for Hepatitis B?! (Luckily that I have learned much from my boss) And you were saying medical books do not tell us everything?! (Those words from your mouth tell me everything is it?)

Few things I would like to clarify:

1. Having to inject insulin every day does not make me a bad diabetic. Just my beta cells are not making insulin hormone. I am injecting the insulin hormone, I am not injecting a medicine!
2. Testimonials are not evidence-based. 
3. There is a cure for Hepatitis B. Please do consult gastroenterologist for further discussion of which evidence-based treatment suits best for you, not by listening to testimonials only!
4. Hope is important for all of us. Hope keeps us alive. But, do not give false hope which may result in a more terrible consequences.

Seriously, thanks for offering your "help" to me. Through your eyes and words, I have learned that every time I correct a misconception, there will be another person who claimed that she is not selling anything, but spreading this misconception out again. God knows who is the next victim. 

Memes from diabetesdaily.com

I do lie

As a diabetic for 7 years, I have tried a few times lying about my condition, either is sugar level or food intake to my mom or my endo. 

So, today I am going to reveal the secret among diabetics, the truth among diabetics and the fear that I have, also the reason that I am not telling the truth.

(Some of the lies do not originate from me. So, please do not judge me.)

When did I lie to my mom? 

The time when my out-of-bed/ pre- breakfast sugar level was not in range. I have to admit that I lied to my mom several times about this before and luckily that she didn't check my glucometer reading. Anyhow, I didn't quite lie too extreme in a way that I would still tell her a high number (probably 9mmol/L) instead of telling her the truth which is 13mmol/L. 

Alright, I know this is bad. But there are always reasons behind every action. My reasons were...

Afraid that she will start nagging me for the whole day until I can't enjoy all my favourite food.

Afraid that she will start having sleepless nights because her daughter's sugar level is uncontrolled.

Afraid that she worries too much...

So, I am forgivable, right?

When did I lie to my endo?

Precisely, I did not lie to my endo. Just that I did not tell her that I did not complete my work. Well, since she didn't ask me anything in particular after seeing my log book *pointing fingers

I lied to my endo about the things I wrote in my log book.

Just imagine to fill in every detail every day!

Too much to fill in for a newly diagnosed teenager girl. Those times I was packed with tuition classes, exams, school works and assignments, plus I eat when I want to eat, and I eat quick. So quick that sometimes I forgot what I have eaten for the last meal.  

Last time, I always feel it was so troublesome to write in Date/Time for every meals and blood pricks. Type and Unit of Insulin, every Food Items that I consumed in detailssss. The above picture is not the log book that I used to record. I have my own DIY log book which has bigger space for me to record down every food item that I consumed. One page of an exercise book is only sufficient for me to write 2 days' records.

I have to admit that this is seriously not a good example. A detailed log book recording is a necessary, especially for the newly diagnosed, so as to ensure a better medication adjustment by the endo. Sometimes, when I forgot/lazy to write my log book for 2 days, it was a struggle to sit down on the study desk and tried hard to squeeze out some ideas for what I have eaten the last 2 days. Sugar levels were easy to recall because I could simply check back the time and sugar number on my glucometer. But, the time, the type and the amount of food ingested arghhhhh... I have to say that I tried my best not to "lie" too much. I never lied to my endo about my sugar level recordings because I know she can check the tally on my glucometer recordings. 

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A couple of weeks ago, I heard a very perfect way of falsifying a glucometer reading. We can actually use alcohol swabs to make sugar level reading lower! Okay, because I always thought that foreign fluids can cause a higher false reading on glucometer, didn't actually know that other than water, alcohol can make reading to be falsely low. 

My advice, don't lie to the endo using this almost perfect method. Because HbA1c reveals what we have done during the past three months. Maybe we can cheat a little on our food records, cheat a little to our loved ones about the actual sugar level, cheat a little on Fasting Blood Glucose during the visit to endo, but Haemoglobins all around our blood are the judge for our diabetes control. 

That's why people always say "swear by blood", blood or haemoglobin never lies, you see.

Ever since I was diagnosed, I never actually cheat to myself about my blood sugar level, I am frank to how my body's sugar level reacts to food. If after a big bowl of Cendol without extra insulin injections, my sugar goes up to 20.0mmol/L, be it, expected and it is definitely my fault for not injecting extra. 

One time of skipping finger pricking can make me feel whole day of uncomfort because of uncertainty. Not to say as in finger pricking makes me comfortable la, it's just feeling not right when I don't know what my sugar number is. I want to know the actual reading of my sugar level now even if it is high, so that I know when and how much to correct it. It is scary to have the picture of all your cells soaking in sugar water for a long time, I want to make sure I correct it as soon as possible!

Am I capable?

I can do a lot of things with T1D. I am capable of doing manyyy things.

I can go to bed in a perfect sugar by myself.

I can wake up in the morning by myself. Alright, some of the time, I couldn't because of hypoglycemia.

I can study by myself.

I can go grocery by myself.

I can go to hawker stall and have meal by myself.

I can go to the garden and jog for 30 minutes by myself.

One thing that I would really like to do. And I always see people share about this on their Facebook, the thing that youngsters all must do at least once in life!

Travelling Alone.

I can eat, walk, play, read, jump, snap photos alone. Not a problem at all. 

But...to do all the above alone in a not familiar place and with all strangers around, plus with a not-so-short period of time.

Okay, I really need to plan hard and pray hard that nobody is going to ban me from doing this. 

Although adventurous, I think it's going to be life risking too.

More, I am timid. I am kinda afraid to travel alone actually. Probably get a home stay foster family would be safer :p  

What does living with T1D mean to you?

It means a lot of things to me. Both positive and negative. 

Sometimes, positive > negative, sometimes negative > positive.

Attended a conference, and I had the chance to share my personal feeling on what diabetes means to me, where do I get my support from, how I wish other people would have treated me, what are the struggles that I encounter...

The moment they screened this out. I was like: Wah biggest selfie in my life haha!

If you ask me to describe life with diabetes with a word, I am afraid I can't do so. I hardly describe T1D in a word. It's like my life, I live with it, I adapt to it, I cope with it, I overcome it, also I dislike it.

With two other patients and the awesome organizing committee :)

I think it's really nice to have this sharing session to let all health professions to actually come closer and learn with us together, learn what we are going through, and of course help us through all the life stages involving diabetes, every single health professions count! (instead of teaching us to do the RIGHT things and not to do the WRONG things only).

It has been a long time since I last reflashed back the time when I was diagnosed

One question being pointed out was: What keeps you going in managing diabetes?

For me is to avoid all the nasty complications. Though, hypoglycemia is one of the complications that I strive hard to control. 

One doctor during his presentation, mentioned that he organized group activities for his diabetic patients. One of the activities which I personally think it's very useful in conveying the message of complications to patients. The game name is Blind As Bat. Blind folds the patients in group and let them imagine how is it like to live if diabetes complications were to take their sights away. How is it like to carry out daily activities in a total darkness. 

And guess what? The other T1D speaker actually done this before! He asked his landlord whom was a newly diagnosed T2D that time, to perform this "blind as bat". He told his landlord to shut his eyes close with him together, and asked him to imagine if he is blind due to diabetes complications. And that time this speaker was only about 12 years old! How amazing, touching education delivered by a young boy :)

Every diabetics can be an educator.

Be patience in educating your patient. your diabetic family member. your diabetic friend. 

Do not judge them. But, understand them. Because nobody wants to live with diabetes. 

Strive hard and gentle in making them understand that we know this very well...

Diabetes management is not easy, but we're never alone :)