Usually I do not tell

I usually will not tell others that I have diabetes, 

UNLESS you saw something peculiar and decided to ask me OR I have to tell you in case an emergency happens OR I tell you so as to give you inspiration, to motivate you.

My secondary school classmates all knew what I have undergone and most of them visited me in hospital during diagnosis time. Hence, I have no problem doing diabetes routine works in front of them. More, they never judge me because they went through the T1D adaptation phrase with me. 

But things were totally different when I graduated from high school and started leaving home to go Matriculation College (Pre-University) all alone.

My mom insisted me to inform my matriculation college roommates/close friends that I have diabetes and what they can assist when emergency happens. I still remembered the first time I mentioned to new friends that "multiple daily injections are my daily routine", my voice shivered. I was feeling like a freak, explaining to people that I am an odd girl with a chronic disease that needs needle poking everyday. And that we were all young that time, nobody actually understands what diabetes is. But, they were all helpful and willing to give in their ears to listen the needs that I may require. I am thankful :)

There are some closed friends in matriculation college that I have known for 3-4 years, but I never mentioned about my T1D to them and they did not realize any unusual acts too. Therefore, I never had the chance to be frank with them, though we were close buddies. 

My bf is the first guy friend whom knew about my T1D. I told him after he shared with me the secret of his. I guess that was when we started to share inner stories more frequently haha!

After college, another new phrase: University!

Still, my voice shivered when I told my housemates that I have diabetes during the first week of university. Now, recalling back, why did I shiver so much? Memalukan saja (embarrassing). 

I never tell any of my classmates because I could not find a chance to tell. Perhaps you will say: Well, you can tell them during freshman introduction night. But don't you think it will be extremely odd if I started my self-introduction like this: Hi, my name is Bing Shin. I am a dietetics student, also a Type 1 diabetic. I think they would stare at me the whole night long later on.

So I shut my doors to most of my university friends. Those times of facing diabetes were really hard, I strived so much all alone, believing nobody understands me. Then one day, a close classmate of mine found out something particularly strange about me: I must bring a blue case together to toilet before lunch time everyday. I was quite glad that she asked, then started explaining to her that it is actually my insulin pen case and why I need insulin etc. 

While in university, I decided not to tell any of my lecturers about my T1D because of this incident which made me sad for a little while. I was experiencing hypoglycemia in class with the lecturer talking in front of me. Hardly concentrating and finally lost control, extremely sleepy (not too sure if I was unaware of my hypoglycemia symptoms or I was just too afraid to eat candy in front of that lecturer). 

At the end, I actually went and so stupidly closed my eyes and nearly fall on the desk! The lecturer stared at me and was saying something to the whole class which I couldn't respond to that at all! My friend who was sitting beside quickly hold me up and stuffed in Mentos into my palm (not too sure if she realized I was hypo or she just wanted to pass me candy because she thought I was sleepy). 

Slowly, I gained back my consciousness and recalled back what happened just now. I couldn't remember what the lecturer said in front of the whole class just now, but I knew it must be some mocking at me. I had the first worst feeling in my university life.

After the class ended, I decided to approach the lecturer personally because I wanted to explain that it was hypoglycemia, anddd I really didn't mean to behave that way in her class! I wanted her to put herself in my shoes. But, all she said was: Oh really? Diabetes can do that? Then, she continued doing her work, while I just apologized and walked away. Second worst feeling ever on that day.

That was the time I captured that: 

Diabetes is common, but not everyone knows about every bit of it, even when you're a professional.